"Your Honor... Frankly, I don't know."
His client looked at him in amazement. They rehearsed this part a hundred times. Words, intonation, body language, eye contact. He was promised a final speech of the century. You would not expect anything less from the most expensive, most established lawyer in New York. You would not expect average performance from the top law firm. He hired him for his references. He was paying the top dollar for it - and the view from the office. That was something he envied his attorney.
"It is all a matter of perspective," he always said when they were discussing his case.
"No, Your Honor. I am quite sure he did it. To support it, I have prepared a complete file, including audio and video recordings of our meetings. I have also made sure that attorney-client privilege does not apply here. My client signatures are on pages 7, 36, and 203. Moreover, I want to state that I am fully aware that my client intends to continue stealing dogs around New York and other U.S. cities and throwing them off the skyscrapers in revenge for his dog-poo slide, accidentally filmed by Steven Spielberg's crew in Manhattan when shooting Dog Riders. While the clip did not make it to the final cut, it was leaked and caused a shitstorm on social media. I have made sure to include the proof of his doings - a video of his throwing a dog from my office window. For the record, my office is currently on the 245th floor, and I have also made sure that no animal was killed or hurt during the filming. The safety net was installed around 244th, and a crew of stuntmen made sure the dog was removed from the net safely."
It was a perfect exit strategy. The one he has dreamed about since his father died, and he inherited this bloody law firm. The portable dog wash start-up was in reach of his hand.